Sunday, February 5, 2012

Fuck You, Jeff Novitzky

The U.S. Attorney for the Central District of California announced on Friday that no charges will be filed against Lance Armstrong, after a long federal investigation into doping allegations. ESPN reports that the investigation, led by FDA Special Agent Jeff Novitsky, "drew in dozens of witnesses, reams of scientific and financial documents, and multiple law enforcement agencies in the United States and overseas."

And what were they investigating? This:

"The Armstrong case had its genesis in doping allegations. But because sports doping is not in and of itself a federal crime, the case would have been built around fraud, conspiracy and other charges related to the violation of his team's contract with the U.S. Postal Service, which specifically prohibited doping."

Multiple government agencies just spent nearly two years investigating something that isn't a federal crime, bringing witnesses before a grand jury and trying to find ways to tangentially criminalize chickenshit.

Seriously, go fuck yourselves. If you can't find some real crimes to investigate, give up your paychecks and go home.


  1. Chris,

    as always blunt and direct! Money has to be better spent

  2. I'm just chilled to learn that the FDA has "special agents" who are apparently like Dog the Bounty Hunter meets Reefer Madness.


    BTW, last week I told my students about the wheat trilogy, and may have mentioned in passing the fact that you tried to make me read The Octopus. Their faces! The idea of three (3) books on cornering the wheat market using rate manipulation was a glimpse of Hell.

  3. I categorically deny trying to make anyone read that. You may be thinking of my evil twin.

  4. And, I mean, these investigations have targets -- human beings who have asshat federal agents panting and heaving and clawing at them for years on end. Over things that aren't federal crimes, my god. But they hope to catch you lying about your non-criminal actions so they can have something to charge you with.

    The Fifth Amendment is your friend. Invoke it early and loudly.